We can’t prevent our beloved pets from dying. I wish we could. But after doing this work for so many years, I absolutely believe that we can help them have a more peaceful goodbye. And honestly, that’s a huge part of why I believe so strongly in consultations.
A consultation isn’t about me telling you that it’s time to euthanize your dog or cat. In fact, I would much rather meet a family before we’re at that point. I want us to have time to talk. I want to hear what you’re seeing at home, what has changed, what your pet still loves, what has become harder, and what you’re worried about.
Sometimes we’ll use our quality-of-life tool. Sometimes I’ll ask reflective questions. And sometimes I just listen. A huge part of what I do during a consultation is listen to what a family is telling me and then reflect it back to them. Because when you’re living this every single day, and when you love this animal deeply, it can be really hard to step outside of it and see the whole picture.
That’s where I can help.
Whether we’re talking during a virtual consultation or I’m sitting on your living room floor after examining your pet during an in-home consultation, I want to help you process what is actually happening. I want the pet to stay at the center of the conversation. How are they doing? What does their life look like right now? And where might we be headed?
Most importantly, I don’t want you carrying all of this alone. Deciding when and how to say goodbye to an animal you love is an enormous responsibility. I think sometimes families feel like they’re supposed to somehow know the answer. They’re waiting for this moment when they’re going to wake up and just know.
Sometimes that happens. A lot of times it doesn’t.
That’s why I believe so much in starting these conversations early. It’s also why I talk about consultations so much when I’m teaching veterinary teams in our community. The earlier a hospital can connect a family with us, the sooner we can start having these conversations and planning together. That doesn’t mean the family’s relationship with their regular veterinarian ends. We’re simply adding another layer of support during a really difficult stage of their pet’s life.
Because what I don’t want is for our first conversation to happen when a pet is struggling and everyone is scared.
There are few things more heartbreaking to me than having to say goodbye to a beloved companion in the middle of an emergency because we’ve reached a point of significant suffering. Those are the final moments of a relationship that may have lasted 10, 15, sometimes nearly 20 years. I want those moments to be peaceful. I want there to be time. I want there to be room for love and stories and all of the things that make that particular relationship what it is.
And sometimes, and this is hard, creating that kind of peaceful goodbye means saying goodbye a couple of days sooner than we absolutely had to. I know how difficult that is to think about. Nobody wants to feel like they took a day away from their pet. But I also don’t want us to gain two more days and have the price of those days be suffering at the very end.
There is another part of this that I don’t think we talk about enough.
Grief is hard enough on its own. When we know our pet suffered at the end, that grief can become tangled up with guilt.
Did I wait too long? Why didn’t I see it? Should I have done something sooner?
Now we’re not only grieving the loss of someone we loved. We’re also trying to process what we witnessed.
We can’t prevent grief. Grief is part of loving them. But we can try to prevent suffering from becoming part of that grief.
That, to me, is what end-of-life planning for pets is really about.
It’s not about choosing a date the first time we talk. It’s not about someone else making the decision for you. And it certainly isn’t about rushing a goodbye. It’s about understanding where your pet is today, talking honestly about what may be ahead, knowing what changes we’re watching for, and having a plan before we need one.
Because we can’t control the fact that their lives will end. But whenever we have the opportunity, I believe we can help that ending happen with more peace, more intention, and less suffering.
And I think our pets deserve that.
So do the people who love them.
– Dr. H
When is it time? https://azureholland.com/pet-quality-of-life-guide/