Tag: grief

Supporting the companions who carry on

Thoughts on helping dogs and cats grieve the loss of their beloved companion

By Dr. Holland

Just like people, our pets form deep bonds with one another. When a companion passes, the surviving pets may experience their own version of grief—often expressed through changes in behavior, appetite, or routines. At Azure Holland, we believe in holding space for every member of the family, including the furry ones who are still with us.

Whether they shared a bed, a bowl, or just quiet time in the same room, dogs and cats often notice and mourn the absence of a friend. While some pets may seem unaffected, others may become withdrawn, restless, or clingy. All of these responses are valid.

Ways to Support Grieving Pets:

  • Let them say goodbye. When appropriate, allowing the surviving pet to see or sniff their companion after passing may help them understand that their friend is gone.

  • Keep routines as steady as possible. Mealtimes, walks, and bedtime rituals offer a sense of normalcy and comfort.

  • Offer extra connection. Gentle affection, time together, and low-key play can help your pet feel safe and supported.

  • Encourage healthy social time. For some pets, gentle introductions to new animal friends can help restore confidence and curiosity. This might mean visiting a trusted friend’s pet, a quiet dog park during off-peak hours, or enrolling in a relaxed group class. Go slowly, and follow your pet’s lead.

  • Treat them to something special. A favorite snack, a new toy, or a soft new bed can bring small moments of comfort. Just like us, pets appreciate kindness expressed through their love languages—especially tasty ones.

  • Enrichment matters. For cats and dogs alike, mental stimulation—like puzzle feeders, new toys, window watching, or scent walks—can ease anxiety and bring gentle joy back into their days.

  • Watch for changes. A temporary shift in behavior is natural, but if your pet stops eating, seems depressed, or shows signs of distress, your family veterinarian may be able to help.

  • Use calming aids if needed. Pheromone diffusers, gentle supplements, sprays or calming wraps can offer support through the transition.

  • Be patient. Grief has no timeline. Some pets rebound quickly; others may need time, reassurance, and space.

 

 

You’re not alone in this. If you’re navigating the loss of one pet while caring for another, we’re here to help. Please check out this page on our website if you’d like additional resources.

 

Every life matters. Every bond is sacred.

 

If you need additional support or have questions about your pet’s emotional or physical well-being after the loss of a companion, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We’re here to help.

 


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Should my children be present?

Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is one of the most tender and emotional moments a family can share. When it comes to including children in that experience, there is no one-size-fits-all answer — just the needs of your child, your family, and your pet’s comfort.

At Azure Holland, we believe children can be included in this process in a way that is gentle, age-appropriate, and guided with love. In fact, when thoughtfully supported, many children gain a deeper understanding of the cycle of life, compassion, and what it means to love and let go.

Here are a few things to consider:

Every Child is Different
You know your child best. Some children may want to be fully present, holding their pet’s paw and offering comfort. Others may prefer to say their goodbyes earlier and be in another room. Both choices are okay. Let them know there is no “right” way — only their way.

Honesty Builds Trust
Using gentle, clear language helps children feel safe and included. Saying things like, “We’re helping Bella pass peacefully so she doesn’t hurt anymore,” is often more comforting than vague or confusing phrases like “put to sleep.” Honest words, paired with emotional support, help children feel secure.

Ritual Can Bring Comfort
Some families light a candle, share stories, draw pictures, or place flowers around their pet. These small acts of love can give children a role in the goodbye — a sense of meaning and connection during a difficult time.

The Home Advantage
One of the beautiful aspects of in-home euthanasia is that it happens in a familiar, safe space. Your child can sit in their favorite chair, cuddle with their pet on the couch, or say goodbye surrounded by love — not in a sterile exam room. Home allows room for softness, and space for tears.

You’re Not Alone
If you’re unsure whether to include your child, we’re here to talk it through with you. Azure Holland and her team have helped thousands of families navigate this decision with compassion and care. We can offer guidance on how to prepare, what to expect, and how to support your child before, during, and after.

Gentle Goodbyes Begin With Loving Choices
Whether your child is by your side or nearby, what matters most is that your pet is surrounded by love — and that your family feels supported in each step. We’re here to hold space for all of you..

Dr. Wallace Sife, Ph.D. writes in his book The Loss of a Pet, “Treat the death of a pet with understanding, love, and care allowing the child to benefit from your example and strength.”

Loss and Grief with Dr. Holland

The loss of your dog or cat is one of the hardest things that a pet parent has to navigate.

Throughout this journey of the final life stage, there are an array of emotions that can come up.  I have had to say goodbye to beloved fur babies and the grief has been intense.  Here are some things that have come up in me as I have traveled along the path of grief and loss and to finally finding happiness again.

Is it crazy for this to hurt so much?

No. The grief that I have felt for a beloved pet passing surpasses anything that I have felt for another human in their passing.  Pets are often the center of the home and the focus of our love and attention.  They comfort us and they know us fully, including our habits and secrets.  They are often our “mini-me’s”  and it’s only natural that with a relationship that strong and meaningful that we could have a powerful amount of grief.

Here are the 6 stages of grief and how they may show up in the process of losing a pet: 

  1. Shock and disbelief-  the first responses to the loss of a beloved pet.  This can last anywhere from a few hours to several days.
  2. Anger, alienation and distancing- anger can come up in many forms.  Often there is anger about the disease that took your baby, or at the Dr. that wasn’t able to save them.  Anger when carried to an extreme level can keep you from moving through the healing process and fully experiencing grief.
  3. Denial- having trouble accepting that your fur baby is really gone.  Typically this stage is very quick and is rooted in fantasy.
  4. Guilt- the more that you loved your baby, the more likely you are to experience guilt.  Experiencing guilt on some level is very natural as we rethink the final life stage of your fur baby and the decisions made for care at the end.
  5. Depression- It is normal to feel depression with intense mourning. With the loss of all my babies and in particular my kitty Mantis, the depression was pretty marked.  I would wake up in the morning and ask myself, “Will I ever be happy again?”.  I was already in therapy at the time Mantis passed and I used sessions to process this incredible loss. *If the depression becomes too intense or prolonged than one should seek help from a trained professional
  6. Resolution- a time for spiritual healing.  In this final stage, we move through the grief and are able to hold onto the memories and the love of our beloved while moving forward with life’s activities.

How can I process my feelings?

The most therapeutic thing we can do is lean into our emotions and pain.  In order to get through the other side of grief, we have to feel deeply and sit with the heartbreak and anguish of the loss. Bottling it up and pretending we are ok will only delay the healing process.  I have found it especially helpful to speak with my trusted therapist or friends that are pet people.  Getting the feelings out is the most important part of the healing process.  Crying is one of the most cleansing and cathartic things that we can do for the soul.  Other ways to process and move grief through your body:  exercise, dance, meditation, journaling, etc. Express yourself and try not to hold it in.

I have been lucky to be surrounded by other pet people during my grieving process.  If you don’t have pet people in your inner circle, seek them out.  This type of understanding can be so very helpful in your healing journey.

Some practical suggestions:

Find other sympathetic and supportive people to lean on to get your feelings out in a safe environment.

Allow emotions to flow, don’t bottle them up.

It’s never too late to say something to your beloved deceased pet. Write a letter to them sharing how much you love recounting the special memories that you have.

Dedicate or donate something in your pet’s name.  Knowing that they are helping other fur babies is a way for them to continue on.

Establish new routines at home. Pets, more than anything in our lives, are rooted in our living patterns. Don’t be scared to shake things up!

Hold some sort of private service or memorial for your pet.  This can be as simple or as involved as you wish.

Attend a pet loss or bereavement support group.  Allow yourself to share fully and experience the grief in a safe space.

If/When you are ready to bring a new fur baby into your life, tell them stories of your beloved one who passed.